Tancy Talks

Ok,  so let’s talk beauty.

I am not a high maintenance girl.  I don’t wear jewelry except for my wedding ring and a VERY rare occasion some earrings or something.

I don’t wear expensive makeup or have expensive monthly hair-dos.  I don’t spend much on clothes, and I wear flip flops that cost two bucks in the spring at the Old Navy Sale.

I don’t spend much on me.  I do love to get a pedicure, and given my lack of shoe wearing  I kind of feel like it is more of a public service than a self indulgence.

One of the things that I have started doing is getting my eyebrows threaded.  I used to get them waxed, but I have fallen in love with threading.  It last longer, and I don’t feel like I lose a layer of skin every time I need my eyebrows to brought back into submission.

SOOOO, today Jp was home for a minute and I had to run to the bank which is right next to the threading lady.  I thought I would run in and get those little suckers tidied up.

The very nice lady has been talking to me about tinting my eyebrows for several months.  I have very SPARSE eyebrows.  They like to spread out all wide, but there just isn’t a ton of hair there.  I fill in my eyebrows every day with powder to make them look darker.  She told me this would eliminate the need.

So, you know me, the queen of “okay, do something insane to my hair or face!” — I did let my girls Kool-aid my hair just yesterday — said.. OH sure, lets give it a whirl.

I  made sure I told her that I didn’t want anything too dark or crazy.  I wanted it to look VERY natural.

I laid back in the chair.

At this point in the story, I am reminded that I am obviously TOO trusting of eyebrow professionals.

She worked diligently and finished up with a “You must wait 2-3 minutes for it to set. Then I wipe it off.”

She went to work on another client.

Because I am not good at sitting still, I immediately grabbed my phone and started messing around on it.  Then,  I caught a glimpse of myself in my phone screen.

At this point, I am not wearing my glasses, but I shot straight up in the beautician’s chair.   I wasn’t even aware that my abdominal muscles were functional anymore, but they did their job as I flew vertical.

Um, yeah.

I was not even wearing my glasses and I could see the marker inspired lines above my myopic eyes.

I instantly burst into a horrified laughter.  I couldn’t help myself. This of course panicked the poor eyebrow girl.

She started wiping.  And the amount of wiping she did, I was pretty sure my panic was unfounded. I thought she surely is taking it all off now!

Well,  I was wrong. I still looked like a little old Italian woman tried to duplicate her eyebrows with a Magic marker on my face.

She went back to wiping.

and apologizing.

and Wiping.

and Apologizing.

I had to go home. I could take no more. Plus, I was pretty sure that I didn’t have any skin left under the dye.

It was better…

Better is relative…

On a totally unrelated note, I just want you to know that I have changed my hair style a bit. I decided it was time to comb my curls forward.  I think it is a bit more… modern… or something.

I know that I say this often, but God.. well He just continues to wow me!

We have been on a wild ride lately.  It has been all kinds of crazy here in the Griffin house.  God has chosen to temporarily add three extra members to this busy house. We are truly blessed to be chosen to have this in our lives. We pray that God will use us in His way.

Well,  as you can imagine, money is not exactly shooting out of our ears and all the changes have brought some added financial stress.  God has met every need, and we have been just fine.

Well, just yesterday I was thinking that things were tight and a specific number in my mind that would really alleviate that burden.  I knew that we would find the money  in the next couple weeks, but this number would really just ease the pinch.  God and I had a chat about it, and I felt like He was reminding me that HE was in charge and knew what I needed.

Well, I looked through the mail thinking that God PROBABLY.. you know in MY way of thinking .. . would chose now to give us one of those wonderful gift cards we get from the planter care ministry.  I am not going to tell you I was not just a tad disappointed that I didn’t open the mail box to that.

But God kept saying that this was HIS thing…

You know what happened… of course… GOD.

TODAY someone handed me a check.

I know you know what the amount was.  EXACTLY.

So.. I drove away in awe.  I thought I can’t not wait until I can tell people what an amazing God I have.  He just continues to WOW me.

So… tonight happens.. someone who I did not expect walked up and handed me some cash.  They had NO clue.  No idea.  Just a word that said, use this.

Wouldn’t you know … just looked at the bundle, it was half the amount of the check.

That is how big my God is!  Really!

Not only did He meet the need I thought I had, but he met is with an extra 50%… Just in case my faith was lacking.

That is how God continues to wow me.  Over and Over and Over again!

How can I keep from shouting that from the rooftops?  My God is good.

 

So… I have so many thoughts swirling tonight.

I know when I dwell on scripture, It plainly says that God’s approval is all that I need.

In Galatians 1:10, Paul says that if he were still trying to please men, he wouldn’t be a servant of God.

In I Thessalonians 2, Paul again is telling the Thessalonians that they didn’t come for man’s glory.  They came for God’s glory only.

I know this… I know that men’s opinion SHOULD NOT matter, but why does it hurt so when you feel like no matter what you are disappointing those around you?

I know that  the time of life that we are currently in is hectic and crazy.  I know that some people look at it and question our sanity.  BUT I know that GOD has brought us to this path. I KNOW that God is giving us strength for each day, because I know that I would have collapsed a day in! I KNOW that He is sustaining.  So, why do I care what others think?

Why do the disappointing looks matter?  Why do the pointed questions that are veiled in concern bother me?  Why are there people that no matter WHAT you do, you can never make happy?

Goodness, I can’t even make dinner without someone complaining or someone telling me that something is awful.

I just get frustrated. I feel raw and worn down, and yet I KNOW that this isn’t what matters.

I know that as long as I am walking in the center of His will, that I am earning HIS approval, and that is what matters.  It just hurts when those around you don’t seem to get it.

It hurts when you are pushed down continually, but HE gives me strength.  HE alone can sustain me.

I love Psalm 119:116 in the NIV… it has that “sustain” word in it. I feel that is what I need right now, and I know that is what HE is already doing for me.

Sustain me, oh God, according to your promise, and I will live;  do not let my hopes be dashed. 

I know HE is faithful to fulfill His Word.

I am SO thankful.

I will be the first to admit that I am struggling with the whole “new normal” thing.  I am struggling to be thankful for it, and I am struggling being “okay” with it.

Last night, I was overwhelmed by the result of it.

Every Christmas I run around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to accomplish everything that I *think* I need to accomplish.  One of those such tasks is to attempt some sort of Christmas program at our church.

This year, it just was not going to happen, and I knew that there were something that would just have to give.  Honestly, I just don’t have it in me.  I am having a very hard time putting time and energy into much at the moment, and I had to make cuts.  A Christmas program did not make the cut.

I did not say anything, and I figured that if I did not do anything about it, no one would even notice.

Well, I have this amazing daughter.  At twelve years old she has taken over the children’s church at our Saturday evening church services.  She has been committed like no one else has been.  She does not get paid, and she happily watches the kids.  She has been putting together her own lessons and crafts and takes her job very seriously.

A few weeks ago, she informed me that they were doing a Christmas program.  I foolishly retorted with, “I just don’t have it in me, Babe.”   To which she informed me that she didn’t need me.

EGADS!

She wrote her own Christmas program.   She recruited help.  She rehearsed with the kids any chance she could get.  She made her own costumes.  She made her own backdrops and props.  She made a program.  She organized their after party.

She wowed me.

Christmas, The True Meaning was presented on Saturday night and it might have been the most beautiful program that I have ever seen.  Sure, the “Star” got very shy when she saw all the people and the cow and donkey didn’t want to lay still.  “Joseph” got so nervous that he made himself sick and would not even go on stage.   An older kid got nominated as stand in, and he did very well.  But, it was beautiful.

So many times at Christmas, I worry about the things that do not matter, and last night I was reminded by ten sweet little kids about the real stuff that matters.  I am thankful for the ” new normal” because our beautiful child was able to shine in a way one could never expect.  She joyfully used her God-given talents and gave everything she had back to Him.

I know I will still complain about the new normal… I am human and I fail, but I am trying to remember that He gave it for His reasons.  I just figured one of those out.

Things are so different these days…

I am just different than I was just a few short weeks ago, and somehow I am supposed to get used to it.

I can honestly say, I am truly struggling with finding a “new normal.”

Goodness, people can’t decide on what is normal anyway.  I know that my normal would never work for any of you and vice versa, and that is the way it is supposed to be…. I think.

I keep hearing phrases like, “It is just going to take time.”  and “YOu have been through a major health event.” or “Maybe God is trying to slow you down” and all the variations, and I am growing weary.  I KNOW that they are all meant with love and compassion.  I know that people care, but I am still having a hard time accepting this “new normal.”

I also know that closing my eyes, balling my fists, stomping my feet, and saying “I want things my way!” won’t help either.

I am just struggling with recovery.  What is a normal recovery?  Is it normal to only be able to really do ONE thing a day.  Like I took the kids to a play today… so now the idea of piano lessons seems overwhelming.  I get school in, so now I can’t get my house cleaned up? Co-op day does me in, and I am in bed at 7:00pm.  Church… church… how am I supposed to be a pastor’s wife if I am too worn out to got to church on a Wednesday night?  Or Saturday night… or Sunday morning?  Let alone do all the other stuff I am supposed to do for church?

Plus, did they remove my patience when I was in the hospital? REALLY?  What did they do to me?  I used to be able to function perfectly clearly with balls flying through the air, a kid playing the piano, a dog barking, the dishwasher running, and the TV on.  Now, if someone is talking and I am trying to think, I am like FREAKING OUT!  I have LOST the ability to multitask!   Which is TOTALLY unfair.  That is ESSENTIAL to a mother!

So here I sit… thankfully in a QUIET room for the moment…trying to string a few thoughts together.  I know that I am being covered in prayer far and wide.  I covet those prayers.  Pray that I find a new normal, and I can ACCEPT the new normal.  Pray that I can recover enough that the new normal just isn’t too far from the old one too 🙂  I have a lot of things I need to do.