Category: Uncategorized

Tonight, I sit frustrated and ready to cry.  I hate feeling this way, and I hate getting pushed to the point that I am at.  I don’t have anything really major going on.  I am not facing the things that I know others are facing right now.  Why can’t I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trudge on?

I know that the biggest thing in my retarded little life that is bugging me if the chaos in this house.  I have this little pantry project…. this little project that was supposedly going to take a couple, maybe three days.  Here we are…nearly three weeks later and I have walls, but no mud. I have wires, but no electrical.  I have tile, but unfinished.  I have a covered window, with siding that is all over the ground.  And, because of the displacement of things from their normal perch, the rest of the house is in chaos.    I hate living like this.  It makes me nutty.  I NEED my home in order.

I hate that I can’t seem to stay well enough to get anything done.  I am supposedly recovering from this last round of the creeping crud.  Everytime I think I am better, I get slapped with another thing floating in the air.  I grow very weary of everyone telling me that I need to air out the house, have my house tested for _______, I need to spray more lysol, use more bleach, feed my kids this or that, take this supplement or that supplement, cook this way, get more sleep, take more time to rest, quit doing so much, take care of myself, see more doctors, see less doctors, and ask about how I could be sick AGAIN.

I KNOW.

I have heard it all. I beat myself up with it so often on my own.  I don’t need others to beat me up too.

I just want to feel healthy. I just want to have time to get the exercise that I want because I know I feel so much better when I am.   I want to run.  I don’t have time to run.

* FREE BONUS ADVICE — And, if one more person tells me that “You make time for “What you want”  I will slap them.

The other frustration is all the advice I get from people who have NO CLUE about my life.   Unless  you have a remote clue as to how it is to live to function as a wife, mother of four, have a full time job, have a part time job, teach 11 piano lessons a week, be a pastor’s wife, and do all the other stuff I need to around this dump of a house – Please don’t tell me how to do my jobs or give me a list of what I am doing wrong.  Please just don’t.

I have been reading a pretty good book on my Kindle about Simple Living.  It is what I long for, and yet, I don’t know if the book is helping or compounding the frustration.  I think there are so many great thoughts and ideas.  I want to do those things.  I want to live that kind of life, but my current life seems to be continually in the way. It seems to be such a gargantuan task that there is unattainable.

I just keep thinking I need to get through the next two days.  THEN, I have a week of Spring Break and I can maybe breathe a bit.  So many are asking if I want to do this or that, or I can give them this amount of time for something.  I am truly fighting the urge to be very stingy with my time.  I get so little of it.  I want to spend my time doing what I want to do with it.  TRYING TO SIMPLIFY MY LIFE.  Trying to get things done…. and yes, dear JULIE I really want to actually see you 🙂

I plan on updating this every week in effort to keep myself accountable.  Week one, and I am not doing that bad.  Of course, it is only Janurary.

I have been in my Bible, and I have been enjoying reading through it. I have enjoyed reading Genesis in particular.  I have never sat and read through it.

My meals and meal planning is going good too. I have to forgive myself when we deviate from the plan.  It is okay to not be perfect.  What a concept! Being easy on myself sometime!  Wow.  It is possible.

We have had some interesting meals and tried a few things.  We tried a new lemon chicken recipe that some of us enjoyed 🙂  I made everyone doesn’t really like whole grain noodles now.  I wonder if they will get used to it?  My dear daughter told me it was nice that we were eating  much healthier.  It made it all worth while.

I have gone to bed with a nice clean and shiny sink six nights this week.  It is so nice to walk into a kitchen not feeling behind before my day starts.

I have also stuck to my healthy eating plan, but haven’t gotten on the exercise wagon yet.  I am happy to report that I have lost 9.8 pounds since Christmas day.  I have to celebrate every ounce.

I know that many, many people are celebrating actually have kept their resolutions for a whole week.  I wonder how many will fall off the wagon this week?

As long as it isn’t me!

Again, I hesitate to even MENTION the whole weight thing.  I really want this goal to be about so much more than a number on the scale.  I need it to be SO much more than that.

I realize that I am not my best when I let myself get to where I have been.  When I am not eating right, and my getting any exercise, I feel terrible.  When I am not taking care of myself mentally and emotionally, I feel terrible.  When I am too busy to have three seconds for myself or my family, I feel terrible.

SO that is why this goal has to do with so much more than weight.  I have to eat well.  I have to get some exercise. I have to give myself some time to decompress every once in a while.  It is about being healthier.

Unfortunately one of the big steps to being healthier is the fact that I have to lose some weight…

SIGH.

 

 

Again, I err on the side of generality.  If I had to list all the things that I need to better myself on, I would run out of paper.  However, this goal represent some specific goals that I have.

This year, I want to cook better and more often for my family. I want to actually menu plan ALL the time, not just some of the time.  I want to get my grocery shopping done early and in planned trips, so we have a lot less last minute trips to the store.  It will also mean a lot less little trips to get junk fast food, because I don’t have our plan made!  I have done this before, and it truly works. It means during the busy school year, we will do a lot of eating out of the crock pot, and sometimes this seems less exciting but it is much better than a crappy cheeseburger!I am pretty sure it will make us a stronger and healthier family.

I also want us to try and eat together at the table MORE often.  Our life is often so busy that this becomes less common.  The kids eat in shifts and then I eat, then daddy gets home. It is too common around this busy house.

I want to try more new things!  In the last two weeks, we have tried a few new recipes and we have had mixed reviews.  #3 doesn’t seem to like ANYTHING new, but we will keep trying.  #2 is happy that we are “eating more healthy,” and she is usually willing to try something as long as it doesn’t have cooked eggs.

I want to PLAY with my kids more often.  It is so easy to get so busy DOING my job that I don’t get to do my job of being a mommy.  I want to enjoy them more. I want to play games with them. I want to understand what in the world a Lollylalaloopsy thingee is.  I want to have a clue what  #1 means talks about something nerdy.  I want to listen to them more.  I need to let them know that what they are talking about it important…most of the time.

I also, am trying to make sure I go to bed with a clean sink.  It is a little thing that makes my morning SO much better.  There has only been one day that this hasn’t been done so far, and it was because I was in bed really early.

I want to take better care of my man.  I had better not write out an specifics just because he will hold them over my head.  I love you Honey, but I know you!

I struggle so often with being so busy that I can’t get done what I need to do.  I need to keep my focus on what is important.  I am a wife and mom first and that needs to be my focus. I am pretty sure that there are few moms who regret    they took TOO good of care of her family.