Tonight, I have been hard at work canning. I bought a bushel of beans today because our own beans are not going to produce the numbers I was hoping for. Heaven helped me clean the whole mess of them which took the better part of the evening. When JP left to take them home, I started the cooking, filling, and bathing of the jars.
I admit the canning is not a very quiet job. I make a lot of noise banging jars while washing and filling. Constant bubbling of pots, and whistling of kettles. Water turning on and off, and I turn on the disposal ever once and a while for good measure. It is not a quiet place.
#1 came out of his brother’s room where is is sleeping due to the recent water in the basement that I haven’t had time to deal with completely. “Wow. That is a lot of beans! How long is that going to take? What else do you have to do?”
“I have a lot to do, but there is no way it will get done tonight. Am I keeping you up?”
Sheepish grin and a slight nod.
“I am sorry, I will try to be quieter so you can sleep.”
“Its okay Mom, I know you have a lot to do.”
Fifteen minutes later. I hear him in the bathroom, then back to bed.
Another fifteen minutes later. He came in to get a drink.
“Oh no. Are you still up because of me?”
Nod and hug. Back to bed.
Another half an hour ended with another bathroom visit, and kitchen appearance.
“Mom, are you almost done?”
“I am trying, I am really done with the pot clanking, and the cleanup.”
Another half an hour. Another flushing toilet. Another kitchen companion.
Just a tired look and a smile.
“I am so sorry.”
“I know you are trying,and I know you are working hard for us. I will be okay. I love you.”
A giant hug, and he was gone again.
Tears.
So often, I miss the kid who used to run up and throw his arms unashamedly around me and tell me that I was the greatest thing ever. I miss the face full of kisses. I miss my baby who is growing up in front of my eyes.
However, even though earlier today he asked me why I had to be SO weird, I still get these moments. I haven’t gotten a kiss from him in nearly two years, but I am allowed to kiss him. He has started giving me big hugs again, and comes up just wanting a hug every once in a while. I savor them more now. I appreciate his grown up attitude that shows up every so often. (Even though most of them time he is tormenting someone he is related to and giggling under his breath) I love that little man.
