What are you thinking?

Why in the world would you want to stay home?  

You have a perfectly good job at a good school!

Do you really think you can AFFORD to quit working?

You can’t give them what they need at home!

You aren’t _________________ enough to do that! 

Do you remember what it is like to stay home ALL DAY LONG with your kids?

Yes… I do remember.  I remember that it was hard at times.  I remember that there were days that I wanted to run away and hide for a while.  I remember being relieved when I went back to a classroom and my kids went to school.

But, I also know there is a season for things, and the season has changed at our house.

For the last couple years, I have felt very convicted about my Biblical role as a wife and a mother.  I know that God has blessed us with this incredible little family, and I do not want to look back and realize that I did not do what I was supposed to do.

God has used my role as a pastor’s wife to challenge me to be a better example to the women that God has given me to serve.  I am supposed to be striving to do what God has given me to do.  How can I tell a women that she should be seeking God’s face for her place and not truly fulfill the job I have been given?

So why haven’t I been getting my job done?  Frankly, I have been too stinking busy!  I have felt like have been doing to many things, and not doing any of them well!  I have been too frazzled and worn out by the time I walk in my home, that I can’t even do the basic things that I should be able to do for my family.  I am shoving pizza or other takeout across the table… when we can FIND the table.  I don’t have time to do the simple things like play a game or bake  cookies or play in the leaves.  I am constantly busy.  Work. work. work.

My dear friends have often challenged me with the words “You HAVE to give something up Tancy!”  A few months ago, I started praying about this very topic.  What in the world could I give up?  I can’t quit being a wife and mom and attempting to run this house.  I can’t quit being a Pastor’s wife.  I have a job.  What else is there?  Really?  I even gave up BASKETBALL, and I love basketball.

When things kinda started to get …. different…. at school this summer, I started to seek God’s face about our school situation.  I didn’t know what I was going to do.  I didn’t know how I could take on more stress at school considering the fact that I was feeling like a failure already.

I continued to pray about what I should give up, and in God said, nearly audibly,

“Give up the job.” 

Give up the job?  Was He crazy?  How can I give up the job?  That is WHAT I do!  I am a teacher!  What would we do with the kids?  How would be survive without my HUGE salary (Insert sarcastic drip) ?  How can I not be a teacher?  When I asked for Him to show me what to give up, I never fathomed that it could be the JOB!!!

We continued to pray.  I for one, really wondered if I REALLY heard him right?  I couldn’t have really heard a REAL voice.  I couldn’t really be contemplating this insanity!  Giving up the job?!?

Well, I continued to discuss the changes at school and even put out a fleece.  I don’t know if we are supposed to put out fleeces or not, but I did.  The answer didn’t change.

I began to feel complete peace, and I dropped off my letter of resignation.  I ordered curriculum.  I was settled.

Then, the school offered me a different position.

So, we began to pray again.

I know that I serve a merciful God, because anyone else would get very frustrated with my ramblings.  Here I was second guessing the decision He had already made and given me complete peace about.

The voice was back.

“I answered this last week, Didn’t I?”

Who am I to question that?  The things that I had sought His face about for so long, answered.  I don’t want to get to the end of our child raising years and regret doing my real job because I was to busy doing everything else.  I only have a few precious years.  We have a TEENAGER.  The time will be gone in an instant.

I am sure there will be many days filled with frustration.  I am sure I will still want to run away and cry at times.  I am also sure that I won’t regret the investment made in the precious gifts God has given me.

And I am sure He will be faithful in those moments – frustrating or delightful.