Things are so different these days…
I am just different than I was just a few short weeks ago, and somehow I am supposed to get used to it.
I can honestly say, I am truly struggling with finding a “new normal.”
Goodness, people can’t decide on what is normal anyway. I know that my normal would never work for any of you and vice versa, and that is the way it is supposed to be…. I think.
I keep hearing phrases like, “It is just going to take time.” and “YOu have been through a major health event.” or “Maybe God is trying to slow you down” and all the variations, and I am growing weary. I KNOW that they are all meant with love and compassion. I know that people care, but I am still having a hard time accepting this “new normal.”
I also know that closing my eyes, balling my fists, stomping my feet, and saying “I want things my way!” won’t help either.
I am just struggling with recovery. What is a normal recovery? Is it normal to only be able to really do ONE thing a day. Like I took the kids to a play today… so now the idea of piano lessons seems overwhelming. I get school in, so now I can’t get my house cleaned up? Co-op day does me in, and I am in bed at 7:00pm. Church… church… how am I supposed to be a pastor’s wife if I am too worn out to got to church on a Wednesday night? Or Saturday night… or Sunday morning? Let alone do all the other stuff I am supposed to do for church?
Plus, did they remove my patience when I was in the hospital? REALLY? What did they do to me? I used to be able to function perfectly clearly with balls flying through the air, a kid playing the piano, a dog barking, the dishwasher running, and the TV on. Now, if someone is talking and I am trying to think, I am like FREAKING OUT! I have LOST the ability to multitask! Which is TOTALLY unfair. That is ESSENTIAL to a mother!
So here I sit… thankfully in a QUIET room for the moment…trying to string a few thoughts together. I know that I am being covered in prayer far and wide. I covet those prayers. Pray that I find a new normal, and I can ACCEPT the new normal. Pray that I can recover enough that the new normal just isn’t too far from the old one too 🙂 I have a lot of things I need to do.