My baby is going to kindergarten in nine short days. For a long time, I didn’t think that it bothered me in the least. I finally realize and admit, it really does bother me!
I think that our recent loss stirred up emotional junk and I am guessing it is compounded by the fact that I just turned 35. I am not getting or younger and my life is slipping by one day at a time.
Thirteen years ago this month we had just found out we were expecting our first baby and had moved cross country on a new adventure. Here we are as older versions of our same selves, and a whole lot of water has rushed under the bridge.
This year, we are busy getting a seventh grader, a third grader, a second grader, and a kindergartner ready for school. (Do you have any idea how many school supplies that requires?) It just doesn’t seem possible that we have that many kids going to real school. Previously, I have been able to rationalize that #4 wasn’t going to real school, and we let him skip whenever Grandma would take him to play hookie. Now, it is REAL school. The kind he has to actually go to everyday.
My baby is growing up. I would say that he was our last, but the recent shock in our house has made me realize that I shouldn’t ever say that. Nothing is fool proof. I will say that we plan on him being our last unless God decides otherwise. But, since we plan on him being our last it makes me sad. This is the last first day of school we will have. This is the last preschooler that is no longer. It just makes me sad.
AND… It makes me feel OLD. I can’t even imagine how I will feel when he graduates from high school! I don’t want to think about how old I will feel then.
Time keeps flying and there is no way to slow it down. For now, the only thing I can do is be grateful for each and every moment that I get to enjoy with them. I am working on being grateful for the unenjoyable moments too 😉