I haven’t been sleeping well. Sleep has been reluctant to come, and then fitful at best when it arrives. I have had a lot on my mind lately with list of things that still must be done and my mind still reeling from recent events. I have a hard time just turning off my brain sometimes. I pray that I can remain STILL. I must say that I am not very good at it.
When the alarm finally went off, I had been tossing for a couple hours and I was thrilled to have an excuse to get up. I come from a long line of people who don’t sleep well for all the same reasons, and I fight to not be one of them. I was determined to stay asleep. This is my summer break for Pete’s sake! The first thing that greeted me was a fabulous pink sunset. I exclaimed its beauty, and my husband groaned something about sailors beware.
I still reveled in the glorious pinkness. My heart was filled with God’s goodness to me. Something as simple as a soft pink sky remind me of His gentleness with me. He is gentle with me when I am hurt and when I am wrong and when I struggle. He brought a song to my heart as I headed about my morning to do list.
“I cast all my cares upon you. I lay all of my burdens, down at your feet.
And anytime, I don’t know what to do. I cast all my cares upon you. ”
When I got to sit down with Him, I read from my Utmost for His Highest this morning. Again, a message for me. It talked about going to the secret place and praying. It talked about prayer being willful act. So many times, when I am trying to pray, my mind runs forty seven directions. Somehow, I find myself lost in a to do list instead of prayer. I find myself frustrated with my running mind. Yet, I was reminded that sometimes that secret place isn’t a physical closet, it is a secret place in my mind away from the to do lists and worldly distractions. I willfully began to pray that God would give me the strength to willfully pray. I know that sounds somewhat funny, but I know that the will I have to stop my mind from running is not strong enough to do its task. I know that He is the only one capable of controlling my wandering mind.
I get so frustrated with my wandering mind and unsettled spirit. I know all the verses about worry. I know that it is a sin, and yet my mind runs. The other thing I know is that I am His creation, and He made NO mistakes when he created me, wandering mind and all. The comforting and incredible thought through it all, is He is SO MUCH BIGGER than my wandering and worry. He is in control of all the things that run furiously through my mind. For all that, I am so thankful.