A New “Normal”

Things are so different these days…

I am just different than I was just a few short weeks ago, and somehow I am supposed to get used to it.

I can honestly say, I am truly struggling with finding a “new normal.”

Goodness, people can’t decide on what is normal anyway.  I know that my normal would never work for any of you and vice versa, and that is the way it is supposed to be…. I think.

I keep hearing phrases like, “It is just going to take time.”  and “YOu have been through a major health event.” or “Maybe God is trying to slow you down” and all the variations, and I am growing weary.  I KNOW that they are all meant with love and compassion.  I know that people care, but I am still having a hard time accepting this “new normal.”

I also know that closing my eyes, balling my fists, stomping my feet, and saying “I want things my way!” won’t help either.

I am just struggling with recovery.  What is a normal recovery?  Is it normal to only be able to really do ONE thing a day.  Like I took the kids to a play today… so now the idea of piano lessons seems overwhelming.  I get school in, so now I can’t get my house cleaned up? Co-op day does me in, and I am in bed at 7:00pm.  Church… church… how am I supposed to be a pastor’s wife if I am too worn out to got to church on a Wednesday night?  Or Saturday night… or Sunday morning?  Let alone do all the other stuff I am supposed to do for church?

Plus, did they remove my patience when I was in the hospital? REALLY?  What did they do to me?  I used to be able to function perfectly clearly with balls flying through the air, a kid playing the piano, a dog barking, the dishwasher running, and the TV on.  Now, if someone is talking and I am trying to think, I am like FREAKING OUT!  I have LOST the ability to multitask!   Which is TOTALLY unfair.  That is ESSENTIAL to a mother!

So here I sit… thankfully in a QUIET room for the moment…trying to string a few thoughts together.  I know that I am being covered in prayer far and wide.  I covet those prayers.  Pray that I find a new normal, and I can ACCEPT the new normal.  Pray that I can recover enough that the new normal just isn’t too far from the old one too 🙂  I have a lot of things I need to do.