I struggle with the whole idea of “being a Pastor’s wife.” What exactly does that mean? How does that make me ANY different than any other wife that is sitting in the pews at my church? In my opinion, I do not think it does. I am just an ordinary woman who happens to married to the guy who is trying to listen to God and keep all the balls in the air for everyone.
A while back, I asked on Facebook what people thought about pastor’s wives, and the answers made me giggle somewhat. The answers that I really understood and pretty much agreed with came from pastors or pastor’s wives. There were some answers I didn’t really agree with, but what I really noticed was the LACK of answers.
The majority of the answers were that a pastor’s wife’s job was that of any wife – to love and support her husband and take care of their home and family. Some people alluded to the fact that there is an assumed leadership role as the wife of the head guy, but most agreed the wife’s job is in her home.
What was missing? What about all the people who get in a snit over the “Things that Pastor’s wife should be doing.” –
*and I want to make it VERY clear I am not referring to anything specific in the congregations that we serve in
You know what I am talking about… the things that are just ASSUMED she should be doing? Like running Bible studies and women’s groups, teaching Sunday school, and cleaning church buildings, sending cards, makings calls, talking to everyone all the time, being everyone’s friend, having everyone over all the time, visiting the people in the nursing homes, hospitals, or their homes, or running the Christmas programs or parties, or… well you know this list could go on…. and on…
The things we just ASSUME she should be doing!
This is where I struggle. I am just me. I have watched this struggle in the past and I wonder how can I be the women that does all those things that are expected of her.
I am just this person who is struggling along life’s path just like the rest of the people in our churches. I definitely have not arrived. I am messed up. I am trying to be a wife and mother that honors HIM. I mess that up on a daily basis. I try to help my husband in our ministry at the churches as much as I can. Sometimes that means that we are making 200 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on our dining room table and sometimes that means I am playing a piano. I try to do the ministries God has called me specifically to like the music in our churches. However, I know the first ministry He has for me is my family.
I keep wondering how He can use me, and yet I KNOW that He has begun a good work in me, and He will continue it. He did not make a mistake. The second I start worrying about how I can do what He has set me to do, I am doubting His very goodness. His will! Who am I to think I know better than Him? It is a pride issue!
Now, if I focus on a list of man-made requirements of what someone MIGHT think I should be doing, then I will fail miserably. I am NEVER going to live up to other’s expectations. I will fail.
BUT, I do not HAVE to. That is the amazing thing about Him. I do not have worry about what others think about what I am doing, and I do not need their approval.
I need HIM.
If I “worry” about what He wants for my life and my ministry then I do not have to actually worry about anything else. What an amazing release from the struggle!
I can walk confidently in what He has for my life regardless of what others say or think. His way is better – no matter what pew I am sitting in.