Tonight, I am weary and just plain worn out.
My thoughts dwell with Mary and Martha. Recently, my friend Karen and I attempted an online study on the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. I really struggled with the study. In fact, I totally flopped. I kept getting hung up on the author’s scolding of Martha.
Considering the fact that I am a Martha, I took up great offense for poor Martha. She was just trying to do what she thought needed to be done. She was frustrated that she was the only one in the kitchen while Mary was simply LOUNGING AROUND JESUS’ FEET!
The Mary and Martha war rages continually in my heart. I would love to sit at Jesus’ feet. I want to sit and soak it all up, but I can’t.
Why does Martha have to be the bad guy?
What if your life requires you to be a Martha?
Can you be called to being a Martha?
What happens when Martha is tired?
I think that our trip south has stirred this fight within. I was able to sit and listen to my husband preach for five straight services. Beside the fact that he is my husband (and I am sure I am biased), he is enjoyable to listen too. Time flies, and yet my soul is fed.
Also, we were the guests, and it was certainly wonderful to be treated as one. The food was fantastic, and what made it even better was that I did not have to cook any of it! It was such a treat. We were well cared for.
For the one who is usually the caregiver, this was amazing.
But, alas we must return to our real lives. The lives that we are called to. The life where I am the caregiver again.
I struggle with fatigue.
I struggle with control.
I struggle with my attitude.
I struggle with my focus.
I KNOW that God can give me the strength… even when I am tired. I must just trust that He will.
I KNOW that my need for control is sinful. It is a pride issue. I am NOT in control, and if I was, it would be VERY scary.
I KNOW that it is MY attitude that needs to change.
I KNOW that if my focus is not on Christ and giving him glory, that I am going to sink just like Peter.
So why is it so hard?